My Mother’s last child can not be tamed, and with her school currently on strike she had more than enough free time to carry out ‘all of her evil‘, so she was sent off to stay with my grandmother for a week. Coincidentally, my grandmother’s church was holding a week long ‘deliverance‘ program specially for children. It was like God was finally going to heed to my mother’s prayers. 

On the fourth day, my mother called me and passed the phone to my sister,  I asked her ‘how far?’, she was really excited to fill me in on what’s happened so far. 

The Pastor moved around with a looong thick water cane to flog anyone who wasn’t praying fire and thunder, clapping of hands (to squash the demons like mosquitoes) and stamping your feet (to disturb hell’s peace) was very compulsory and you had to shake your head vigorously from side to side (so when the pastor lays hands on you, you’ll fall under the ‘anointing’ without any obstruction). The effect was you had an auditorium full of children chanting 

  • Holy ghost fire, fall, fall, fall. Fall! Fall! Fall!”  
  • “All my enemies die by fire! Die By Fire!! DIE BY FIRE!!!” 
Cute Nigerian Child
ARE THESE PEOPLE SERIOUS!?

    As if that wasn’t enough, they were under strict rules to be on a fast till the program was over for each day. To all ye gentiles who don’t know what fasting is, it’s simply not eating any food or drinking water. Apparently, some church leaders believe that will make God attend to you quicker. Coupled with the hunger and rigorous body movement all in the name of praying, it wasn’t a wonder why most of the children kept ‘falling‘ under the ‘anointing‘ and a good number didn’t bother to get back up. 

    The pastor never closed the program on time. On the day he said he’d close by 10am, he closed it by 12 noon, and the next day, he closed it by 2pm. So the day after the next, my sister went to church with a lunch box full of boiled yams and stew. People thought the smell of yam and stew was the ‘Holy spirit‘ announcing his presence in a ‘Nigerian way‘. 

    Funny Nigerian child
    THAT’S NONE OF MY CONCERN, I’M DOING MY BUSINESS 

    By the fifth day, she’d had it up to her neck, she was just hanging at the edge of the cliff waiting for the slightest wind to push her down. The Pastor came with a tornado. A small boy got delivered and the pastor said the demon was gotten from watching NICKELODEON!  so no child should watch Nickelodeon ever again. My sister had finally been blown off the cliff. She jumped to her feet and screamed the first “boooooo!” and soon enough every child was screaming “booooo” to the pastor. The pastor picked her out as the ‘Untameable‘ among them, she refused to go to the front when he commanded asked her to. Instead, slowly, she picked up her lunchbox from under her seat, the pastor shouted something that rhythmed with “sacrilege!”, she didn’t bother to look back as she left the ‘house of God‘. When she got home, the first thing she did was watch Nickelodeon! 
    The very next day, grandmother sent her back with a message for my mother which read

    I brought you up, it’s your turn now, bring her up

    And in despair my mother called me so I’ll be informed on all of this, 

    You have to come home and talk to her, you’re the only person she listens to” she said. 

    You see, my family indeed is made up of strange people. They keep saying Samantha (my mother’s untameable child, my world) is the exact replica and younger version of me, and that’s why she never listens to any other person in the family except me. Apparently, we are the untameable ones in the family. 

    I don’t know exactly what I’m supposed to talk to my world about, I’ll probably just end up asking her how sweet the yam and stew was. My mother will have to wait a little longer for that prayer of hers to be answered. 


    P. S 

    All images featured in this post were downloaded from google and no breach of copyright law was intended. 

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